well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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