Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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