the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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