i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
