Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Vodka?
Forever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
