How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
