Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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