Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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