I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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