He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she looked like the before picture.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
