he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
