i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
