somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
