he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
