can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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