im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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