The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
