____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
