But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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