Your face is a jimmy john
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
