like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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