Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
