and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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