ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
