using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
