Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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