small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
