its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
