oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
