is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize