dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
