Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize