Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
