If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
