Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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