I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
