You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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