I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
