So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
