you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
