You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want to make out with him forever
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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