I just made out with a guy for $7.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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