I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
