i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
