I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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