I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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