I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Your dad touched me again.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
