im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
