Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
