Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
pray to the hookup gods
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
