After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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