Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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