We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
