A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize