I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
