I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
