It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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