she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
