dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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