I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I FOUND THE LEGS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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