News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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