he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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