operation harelip BJ is a go
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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