Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
