omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
