I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize