You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm passing your future prison.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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