How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
