i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
