Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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