I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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