So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
