im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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