He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
