before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize