i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
