i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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