So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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