If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
