their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
