I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
