I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
