You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
