So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
